ever pee your pants?

We got talking the other night about pee-your-pants moments. Unfortunately, I have more to talk about than Christopher; we thought we'd post the best ones here.

Kathy: In first grade, bathroom passes had to be bought with Funny Money, our reward for good behavior throughout the day. But badly-behaved children still have functional bladders. So, when one of the so-called bad kids in my class had to pee, I gave him my funny money. The next day, when I had to go to the bathroom, I was broke. My teacher wouldn't let me go, so I wet my pants. That teacher sure got an earful from my mom.

Christopher: I was nine or ten. My best friend Clay's older brother worked at Blockbuster Video. Clay and I were playing the new Kirby Golf game on the Super Nintendo at Blockbuster, when it hit me that I really needed to go. But I wanted to finish the level on the game. So I waited, and waited. The level was longer than I anticipated.

When the level finally ended I ran to the back of the store, but the door to the bathroom was locked. Blockbuster keeps their bathrooms locked for emergencies like this, so I had to run to the front of the store to get a worker to bring the key and unlock it. I ran to the front, but because I was a ten year old kid with no money I was low on the priority level of people they gave attention to. I waited in line, dancing in agony, until I got to the front. I asked someone to unlock the door.

I walked back with the employee who had the key. She walked, and I jumped up and down, wanting to run. She unlocked the door and I ran in, slamming the bathroom door behind me. Success.

I stood before the toilet, and as I unzipped my pants I felt it coming. I couldn't get my zipper down in time. The warm, terrible flood soaked me. I stood over the laughing toilet horrified. I thought quickly, and grabbed the pile of paper towels off of a table next to the sink and tossed them into the toilet's clear water. Then I added some toilet paper for good measure, and flushed.

I sprinkled some tap water all over my shirt and pants for good measure, and when I felt ready, I walked out and informed the worker that their toilet had exploded, all over me.

I said I tried to stop the explosion with all of the paper towels, and had gotten soaked in the process. I don't know if anyone believed me, but it was better than the truth.

Clay and I walked to his house a couple blocks away, and he let me wear a pair of his pants. Clay was twice as skinny as me, so I had to walk like a wedgied cowboy. I decided it was time to go home, so I walked a mile and a half like that. The pee still clung to my unwashed skin under the borrowed tight cowboy pants.

I don't even remember who won that round of Kirby Golf.


K: Do have any humiliating pee-your-pants moments? We'd love to hear them.

C: You know you have them. If you have the courage to share them, I'm sure we could fill an entire blog.

10 comments:

Amy said...

One time, we were having family home evening and I was seated in the ever-ubiquitous (in 1989, at least) fake leather beanbag chair. Lauren came out dressed up in a bunny suit, some other hilarity ensued, and before I knew it, that beanbag was wetter than I'd remembered it. Except for maybe the time that I had insisted on sleeping in it and woke up covered in sweat. Man, being eight is a pretty gross state of being, come to think of it.

krushjudgement said...

I can't think of any pee-my-pants stories, but this did remind of something. In High School I used to really "piss" off (get it? haha.) my teachers. I had this hippie ideology that it was wrong to ask permission to perform human functions like breathing, eating, peeing, etc...

When I had to go to the bathroom I would either just get up and leave, or I would tell the teacher I was going, not ask them. Teachers really hate to be told stuff.

krushjudgement said...

Oh yeah! I just remembered. My Uncle Mark took Christopher and I, with his kids, to a movie at Valley Fair Mall once upon a time. I don't remember the movie, but I remember I didn't want to miss anything. When my bladder became unbearable from the giant soda I had, I just let the juice loose (knowwhatimsayin?). I peed in my chair at the theatre and finished the movie. Actually I peed multiple times because once your shorts are wet well...

Pretty gross huh?

Kaneeneenie said...

when i was five i hid in the basement with my neighbor so we could kiss like they did in disney movies. well, i had to go to the bathroom quite urgently, but i was too embarrassed, for some reason. so i just stood there and let it out. then i was more embarrassed, so i said i had to go and ran home. but i didn't want to look like i was in too much of a hurry because my five-year-old mind told me that everyone would know it was because i peed my pants, so i nonchalantly sat down on the front step of my house for a minute. when i decided i had looked casual for long enough, i stood up to go inside, but i was MORTIFIED to see that i'd left a bit butt-shaped wet spot on the cement. that's when i learned that kissing boys is bad.

Just Some Dude said...

I always wet the bed when I was little. Actually, I wet the bed until I was 14, believe it or not. The doctor called it a hormonal imbalance and cured the problem with a prescription nasal spray.

Anyway, when I was in third grade, I had one of my first sleep-overs. I woke up in the middle of the night--my pants and sleeping bag soaking wet. I took a can of Coke sitting right beside me, dumped it all over myself, and went back to sleep. In the morning, I pretended like I knocked over the can of Coke in the night. That's not as good as an exploding toilet, but it's still trying to cover my steps.

A. said...

Don't make me laugh too hard, or we might have an issue at hand. . .I've been there many a time; I'm just warnin' ya now.

Anne Marie said...

Ha ha, once I was at the movie theater, and my friends and I were spinning really fast on the red swivel stools at this fast food-diner thing. And I thought it was so funny because we were really dizzy and we would fall off and it was just extremely funny. So when we had a really big fit of laughing, I felt it coming. I tried to stop it, I really did. But it came. Good thing I had a sweatshirt handy. I tied it around my waist, even though I knew I looked like a moron. But I decided that looking like a moron was better than looking like a baby.

Miss Ashley said...

loved the post and the honesty!

HeyOwl said...

One time, I was at my Aunt and Uncle's house, and their boys took karate lessons. I insisted that I wanted to watch the karate lessons and so to leave me there with the boys. Turns out that however tomboyish a ten year old girl is, watching someone else get karate lessons is boring. So then I started playing my cousin's Gameboy. Christopher my friend, I know what you mean when you said you had to finish the level. Well, of course, the bathroom there was locked as well, and so amid my waddles of agony, I danced to the front and got the employee with the keys (who looked, in my opinion, altogether too amused at my peril) and rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me, locking the door. The employee had failed to tell me that the lightswitch in the bathroom didn't work, and so, in my blind inability to find the toilet, I stood there and wet my pants. This was my only change in clothes that I had with me. However, in a stroke of brilliance, I tied it around my waist like an apron. I looked like a complete idiot, but luckily, at that age I had strange fashion tast anyway, so my cousins didn't seem to think much of it. It was only when we got back to their house, and we ran upstairs to our grandma's room, that someone caught me- Grandma asked me why my shoes were squeaking. I told her it was raining outside (which it was, but not that much) and she told me to go get changed so I didn't catch a cold. She had the I Know Everything Cause I'm Grandma look, and I was forever grateful to her for letting me slip out of that situation.

Anonymous said...

sometime ago during an early lunch hour I needed to go to Home Depot to pick up a few things. My plan was to get in and get out fast because I had to get back to work soon. Heading to the tool section, I got the idea to stop by the restrooms maybe a good idea. but everything I needed was at the front of the store. The urge to pee did not seem too strong. I can always pee in the parking lot after I'm done shopping.

the tool department only keeps two types of cutting wheels in stock. I picked up the ones I liked and headed over to the padlocks. walking past the paint section. I got a little sidetracked and started looking at some small can of premixed color samples but the urge to pee was getting stronger. I got myself back on track I headed to the potluck Here they have many different types to look at . by this time I knew I really need to pee. while I was deciding which padlock to get. I could felt little streams sneaking out running down my legs. danm it I was hoping I can get done and make it outside too pee in the parking lot so I would not have to walk all the way to the back of the store just to use there restroom.

It was all ready 11:30 and I was on a very tight schedule. One last thing on my list safety glasses. I was a little nervous walking over where the safety products are keeped once I got there I look down at my pants and the runs of pee going down my blue jeans was not too obvious. I grabed a pier of safety glasses and headed off I'm done I just need to go pay.

I fond a line with only one person ahead of me. hoping this will not take too long I took $20 out of my wallet to have it ready. While i was standing in line I could feel more and more pee flowing out of me. I moved myself a little closer to the counters to block the view of my wet pants from others seeing.

When it was my turn with the cashier she started asking me some questions but I said nothing, squinted my eyes in hopping I will not wet myself any more, Then she looked at me and asked if I was okay. I quickly said yes I'm fine. As soon as she begin to ringing up my items. I realized I couldn't hold back any longer so i stop fighting it and started peeing in my pants. I can feel all my warm pee pouring down my legs. while I was peeing. the cashier finished scanning and backing up my things. by the time she had my total ready and I was done peeing myself I was in a big panic I quickly handed her my money. I just wanted to leave the store. before anyone saw me.

When the cashier was handing me back some change I was so nervous I drop the coins onto the floor. when I looked down I saw a big yellow puddle around my shoes. The old lady behind me told me that I drop something. then she bent down to pick it up I did not wait around I grab my bags and begin to walk away. just before I walked out the door I turned around to see the old lady pointing and the cashier was look down at the puddle of pee I just made.

I got into my car and drive to the other end of the parking lot. I hopped out and grab a pair of extra jeans out of the trunk got back inside and frantically start taking off my shoes and wet socks I then pulled off my wet pants and realized how badly I peed myself ( I'm not saying how drenched my underwear was . because I don't wear any ) I grab the dry pants and put them on. got back to work just in time to cut the lock on my toolbox then clock back in.